365 Days

It’s been one year ago today since we lost Tonia. However, for me, it’s not just been a year. It’s been exactly 365 days. I have noticed a void in my life every single one of those days. It’s been 365 times I have woken up and had to immediately remind myself it’s just me and the kids now. Over time that daily reminder gets a little less mentally tormenting except for the days I wake up from the dreams. The dreams of life in an alternate reality I suppose where the horrors of this one didn’t occur. Dreams of a life that wasn’t meant to be. Those dreams have become my personal nightmares. Those days still break me, even now. Along with birthdays, anniversaries, holidays, and numerous other days of personal significance. My brain struggles to reconcile how it is that these past 365 days have felt like both the longest and shortest of my life thus far. It’s been a year, it’s been 365 DAYS.