Dedication to Tonia

Tonia Marie “Bishop” McMurtry

September 13, 1978 – April 2, 2020

I had Tonia in my life for just 9 short years. We met in 2011 when Trey was just 7 years old. At the time they were living with one of my coworkers and I will never forget the day we first met. I knocked on their door and Trey opened it, took one look at me, and with a puzzled look on his face said “Who are you!?” I said “Matthew, I’m …”and before I could finish he shouted MOM there’s some guy at the door. Little did he or I know then that someday he would call me dad and I would call him son but that’s a title and an honor I would have to work very hard for to earn. Tonia and I were married the next year on June 19th 2012 but it took a few more years for Trey to warm up to me and consider me a true father figure. He had experienced a lot of hurt and abandonment in his young life and I still had a lot more growing up to do in order to become the man I strive to be today. Enough about that, let’s talk about Tonia.

Tonia was raised by her father from the age of 5 onwards because her mother decided to pursue happiness else where without her daughter in her life. During her teenage years her father went to prison while she bounced around between foster homes, group homes, and living with friends while a runaway to escape the horrible foster care system. Once she obtained her freedom at the age of 18 she left her home state of Missouri and spent time in Georgia, Florida, and even Alaska before finally settling down in the Chattanooga area where her father came and lived with her until his untimely death at the age of 53 on November 8th 2008. A year later her husband, the man Trey thought of as his dad beings his biological father never had anything to do with him, passed away unexpectedly as well. She was on her own again but now with a young son to take care of.

In early 2011 she found her way up here from Chattanooga in pursuit of a better life for Trey and herself, which luckily for me, started the chain of events that led to us meeting and eventually falling in love shortly their after. She changed my life and made me who I am today. The 8 short years we were married were truly the best years of my life. We never had a lot of money or a fancy lifestyle, but we had each other and our unbreakable love for one another. In that regard we felt rich and fulfilled. She helped me to become the father that Trey needed in his life and I gained a son. Then in 2017 she gave me a daughter as well.

Summer Truelove McMurtry, my little side kick, she never leaves my side, but it wasn’t always like that. In the beginning she was a mama’s girl 100% She loved her mama more than anything and her mama loved her. Even now, a year later, she still asks to go see mama because she doesn’t understand what has happened. Tonia was a very dedicated mother. Her children were her entire world and all she ever wanted was their happiness and for them to have the best life possible. There was nothing in this world she wouldn’t do for her kids. Every Christmas if we were low on cash (we normally were) she would stand in line for hours at the toy donation places to make sure she got gifts for the kids. Even Christmas 2019, her last Christmas, while very sick with cancer she stood in the cold rain for 2 hours to get gifts for the kids. Her efforts paid off because even though she wasn’t in the first group of people they let in that day we were still blessed with the most amazing gifts for the kids we had ever gotten. Everything from a flat screen TV and a brand new tablet for Trey to some of the nicest toys a 2 year old girl could ever want.

Tonia loved helping others and was passionate about addiction recovery and support groups. She spent much of her time on Facebook where she helped to create and oversee various Groups including a group where people could ask for and donate items to others in need, an addiction recovery support group, a support group for people who have had loved ones die from addiction, a group for people who seek justice for murdered children including Joe Clyde Daniels, and a support and prayer group for a Kentucky woman who had a very troubled past and became infamous when her mugshots went viral a few years ago causing it to seem like the whole world hated her but Tonia, along with several other wonderful people, wanted to stop the hate and give this woman the respect and kindness every human being deserves. Sadly Tonia never got the chance to meet the woman in question but I have got the opportunity myself and she has expressed her gratitude for Tonia and the others. Tonia would be so proud this group is still going strong today with nearly 10,000 members.

Tonia was blessed with many good friends both near and far that she connected with through Facebook. When she first went into the hospital and I had to leave my job to stay home with he kids we started a gofundme campaign asking for help. She told me it would be a waste of time because nobody would help us but her Facebook friends quickly proved her wrong when the donations came pouring in from all around. My family members really came through for us as well during these horrible times. She was very grateful for all the love and support we were shown in her last few months. I too am eternally grateful for all the support and donations me and the kids received from family, friends, and even complete strangers. There is so much more I could say about Tonia and our life together but it would require me to write a book in the process of doing so. She was my best friend and soulmate. I truly miss her and will love her always and forever.

Matthew McMurtry April 29, 2021